Post 2: blueberry pancakes
November 22, 2023
There was a recent time where I spent what seemed like weeks lying in bed with hot tears slipping out the corners of my eyes. Ya know when crying makes you feel better? I willed this to happen for me, but it didn’t. I cried and cried and felt the same—sad, and eventually, disgustingly numb. In the beginning, I listened to Strawberries by Caamp on repeat. I hate that I chose that song as my sad gorl song, because I like it a lot, and now I can’t listen to it. Ugh. First world probs. Maybe one day. Anyways, during this clouded time, I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. My friends eventually (and very kindly) pointed out how small I had become in such a short amount of time—this was sort of an “oh shit” moment. But that’s for later.
Back to the dread-filled, voluntarily (taking accountability for this decision) bed-ridden days. My mom made me blueberry pancakes. She sat with me as I pathetically picked at them. She talked timidly and with patient compassion, and looked at me with what I think was an extreme level empathy and pity (but not in the mean way). I absolutely cannot imagine the gut-wrenchingly incredible love of a mother, and I will probably write more about it one day. After days of eating blueberry pancakes, they became my safe meal, and I ate more and more of them. Not only were these blueberry pancakes an act of pure love, but they tasted freaking fantastic. Thank God for blueberry pancakes, and more, thank God for my mother.
I think I am trying to say…eat the blueberry pancakes.
Blueberry pancakes were my first step toward regaining normalcy. I think a lot of people (myself included) become comfortable with their sadness, even though it’s sadness (and we inherently don’t want it). Once we slip into identifying with it, something flips inside us, and suddenly, we love sadness. We bask in it and it becomes safer than attempting to pursue the other thing—happiness. It becomes our comfort zone. Well guess what? Growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone. The first step out of that dark pit is eating the damn blueberry pancakes, or whatever equivalent that is to you. So DO IT, because you deserve to be happy.
Let me clarify, because “you deserve happiness,” is too often misinterpreted. I seethe when people say this as an encouraging sentiment. In actuality, we don’t deserve the slightest bit of happiness. We deserve everything that is the opposite of happiness—we deserve unrelenting Hell. BUT we are given the opportunity to choose happiness through Christ. Although we are undeserving of happiness in nature, we are given the chance to have it, and we should passionately pursue that. So I guess the term “deserve” is incorrect, but rather—we have a clear path to happiness, why would we not take it?
Have you ever thought of the fact that God (yes, GOD, Creator, Master, Father, Saviour, MAKER of you and me and everything) wants you to be happy. He wants us to thrive. He knows that the only way to truly find happiness is IN HIM. He paved the way to pure joy for us through His Son, and it would be quite rude not to take it.
First steps are scary. Often we think 10 steps ahead, get overwhelmed, and decide that taking no steps is the solution to mitigate that overwhelming feeling. Obviously, this is counter intuitive. My point is…take the first step—eat the blueberry pancakes. THEN, you can start a daily Bible study, commit to a routine, go for a jog every day—whatever you want to begin doing to find true happiness and freedom in Christ. Thinking of all those goals at once is scary, but don’t let it keep you stagnant. Conquer the fear, take step #1, and eat the blueberry pancakes. You’ve got this, because God’s got you.
“This is our God, this is Who He is, He loves us. This is our God, this is what He does, He saves us…King Jesus.” (This is Our God; Phil Wickham). GO LISTEN.
Other fantastic sad gorl songs:
All Too Well (Sad Girl Autumn Version) - Taylor Swift
The Moment I Knew (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift
Seeds - Yoke Lore
Intrusive Thoughts - Natalie Jane
Song that is sad, but happy, melancholy, but peppy, and is overall fantastic:
Waterfall - Morningsiders
whyiscchappy? Blueberry pancakes. I also like chocolate chip pancakes, and, well…really all pancakes. Pancakes are great. I do however prefer fresh strawberries with my pancakes over strawberries that have been combined with the batter and slapped on the skillet, too. Those have a weird consistency to me. Fresh strawbs ftw.