Post 15: it’s not linear

December 12, 2023

Healing is not a linear process. And when I think about this commonly said sentiment, I think…is any process linear? No. There are valleys and peaks in every process of life—successes, forgiveness, all of it. These are inevitable, and not defining, but how we handle them has potential to be defining.

In the midst of a dark and strenuous valley, my mom tearfully said to me, “The next few decisions you make will be pivotal for your life.” This hit me like a ton of bricks. I think we can get so caught up in emotions, we start to feel out of body and actually forget that we’re living here on earth, and that our decisions do matter; they do affect us and they do affect others.

I’m grateful she brought me back to reality. I’m grateful for the decisions I made to get out of that valley. Most of all, I’m grateful I decided to fully trust God.

I wish when we hit valleys we didn’t feel like failures. Not only do I feel like a failure in the valleys, but when I am on the peaks, I feel scared for the next inevitable valley. Why should I embrace the happiness on this peak if I’m bound to fall into a valley tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day? Isn’t it easier to just not enjoy the peak? Isn’t it easier to actually try and stay in the valley? These thoughts haunt me, and they make healing seem impossible, and pointless.

And maybe it is easier to be numb to any emotion that eludes to a hope-centered mindset. Maybe it is easier to resist internal change, because change is painful. Change usually means losing something. Sometimes it means losing something bad for something good. And other, more painful times, it means losing something absolutely great for…hopefully something better. And that “hopefully” is where trust and faith comes in—faith that there has to be better.

I think the motivation and confidence we gain from the peaks triumphs over the desolation of the valleys. It’s critical to embrace the peaks and trust that when the valleys come, because they will, God will meet you there.

whyiscchappy? Knowing God is here through it all.